I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
