You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
