He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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