Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
