we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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