respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
