I bet he comes in French.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
