I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
