I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
