Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
