Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
