i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
