do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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