meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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