Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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