I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
