Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
