I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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