So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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