also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
