I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
