i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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