There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
