I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
