i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
