I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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