Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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