I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
