Nicole vs. Life
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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