Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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