why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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