were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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