i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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