I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize