You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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