You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
