So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
