This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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