i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
