I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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