We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
