Got a toothbrush?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
