oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
