I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
