also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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