you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
