He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
