Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
