I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
