So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
