the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
