I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
