I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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