Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
